what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
