he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
