Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
