I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
not ubering you a puppy
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
