My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
