i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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