You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
