she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i think my mom watched the whole time
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
