Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
