I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
