how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
