just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
