Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
