I think my fart just growled at me.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so let's talk penis.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And then my night got REAL pukey
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
