Im at strip club and am horny
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
