you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
