I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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