upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
