new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
one might say we're banned from that church
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
