$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
