Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You're like the curious george of whores
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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