well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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