community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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