You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
