I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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