At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Drake has all the answers
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
