I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
