At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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