I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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