Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
