Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
