Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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