How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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