i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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