I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
