Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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