im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
