Heybabeimwearingurpanties
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
