I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
