i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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