If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
do herpes really smell.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
