Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
