the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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