three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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