so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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