then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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