he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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