so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
