This is not my ceiling
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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