How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
