so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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