if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You pole danced in your parka.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
