maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
